oditha’s Blog

I no longer feel angry, i just feel let down
I am trying to put a brave face on to try and deal with things
I am trying to move forward despite of what happened
I am trying to pick up the peices for myself and my daughter
I am trying to stand up and dust myself off after i’ve been slammed to the ground
I am trying to heal my spirit (don’t even know how to start!)
I am trying to save myself from insanity
I am trying to forgive but not forget…

What do you do when someone you love so dearly, disappointed you in a massive some say unforgivable way?

last month i did something that is really out of my box…

i entered a photography competition

the competition asked for a photo that makes a person smile

i am happy to say that two of my photos got picked out of 22,000!!!

definitely a ME!!! moment…hmmmp, very proud! (oooh! i can’t wait to do that in the shopping center where they’ll be displaying my photos)

check the link down below to have a look at the photos (if you want to of course!), mine are photos 2 and 16…and please don’t forget to vote!

http://www.smilewithcentro.com.au/images/photopdfs/SA/arndale.pdf

had some girly talk last night…well, not really a girly talk cause there was a guy there…thorn amongst the roses i suppose…anyway, the conversation of the night turned into what they thought of me the first time they met me…they say that first impression counts and that you never get a second chance to get a "first impression"…well, i beg to differ…

we all know that almost all filos have this thing about other filos too…so, when this particular friend of mine said that she thought that i was like all the other filos that she’s met so far…you know…the snobby, airy, arrogant, judgemental, and above all, a FAKE (plastic fantastic!) and her close friend thought the same thing about me too…they used to snigger about me whenever i go past the city…in other words i wasn’t worth knowing to them before but worth bitching about and making fun of…all that changed when this particular friend chatted to me online and found out that there was more to me than what she percieved…she quickly told her close friend that i was REAL…in her own words "tunay yan ha!" so i guess that you can always make a bid for that second chance at a first impression but in my case i didn’t make a bid for it, it just sort of happened

what i thought of her:

the day i met her i was mostly concerned about his guy friend more than her…he scared the sh**ts out of me…he kept saying hello telepono it was scary…i honeslty didn’t think about her at that time, but according to her, i did the head to toe look ( i guess that is a reflex caused by prolonged use of public transport)…anyway, it all worked out in the end and i am extremely happy that i did well in my "second evaluation" and of cousre extremely happy that we are all very good friends now

a few months ago someone asked me a question that i’m sure most of us were asked before…

the question was: is there a day that i wish i can go back to and change something and why…

without any shred of thought i just blurted out…the day/hour before i was born…i wouldn’t come out…why? because the world is a sucky place…

and then the second question (or more like thrird!) came…:what is the meaning of life…

i wouldn’t have a clue! for me the question makes no sense…i mean what IS the meaning of LIFE? i see it this way…we get born and wear nappies (diapers for international readers), study half our lives and work for the rest of it, if one gets lucky, they get married have a family and maybe go through the roller coaster ride of divorce,and last but not the least…get old and wear nappies for the second time in our lives!…(again, diapers for international readers) i call it humiliation before we die… yes, it’s a vicious cycle folks!

so… please do tell me what IS the meaning of LIFE…cause i’m dying to know! not literally of course!

going back to the first question…i guess that’s how i really felt and i guess i still feel that way sometimes…especially when no one cares to listen to me at home…i just think to myslef that…wouldn’t it be easier if i wasn’t born!??! i mean i didn’t ask to be born…and i don’t think that i was meant to be alive…hell! my mum was on birth control pills and i was an “accident” (meaning that i wasn’t on the plan)…but newsflash! here i am and trying to make sense of my life…trying to find the meaning of me being here…trying to find my place in society…and most importanlty…trying to find myself…

well, well…lemme see…

we went to Queensland for a 9 day holiday…that was really good…we got to see surfer’s paradise, movie world, wet and wild, and sea world…queenslanders must have a problem with acne…almost everybody i saw had a lot! we went to my cousin’s house in sunshine coast too…their land was huge!…i mean an acre huge! they have their own private forest walk…i like it there but it got really remote for me…did i mention that david’s parents came here to visit too for about a month…they went with us to Queensland…yep, they did!

we had Christmas Eve at our place…it was very good…we ordered lechon and it was exellent…we had filipino foods like kare-kare, palabok, sweet and sour snapper, embutido, etc…it was very hard getting organized…we had to cook two nights before…but the party was a blast…we had everybody there…there were lots of kids and at least four babies that night…i think everybody had a great time and they all went home with a full belly and lots of presents…oh and we attended a christening earlier that day too so it was a very full day…we were up till the wee hours of the morning…

and for the past few days i have been drowning in VERONICA MARS…i got hooked after the first episode…so, i watched the whole of season one and just started season two today…i still have two movies to go through…hay! a long time ago, we used to be friends…lalala…hhhmmm..hooked i tells yah!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL AND ALL THE BEST FOR 2006!

we were at myer’s food court as we always do every friday…but this is a friday like no other…we started the usual way…until…i said something…

what i said (to david)
can you stand up cause i want to move the spare chair to the next table…and then you can move your chair, so that serena can come closer to the table and you can sit next to her…

what he heard
can you sit on to the next chair

so…needless to say, when i moved the chair i didn’t know that he was going to sit down on it…i just heard a crash…and then i saw david on his bottom on the ground…i was like…what happened?!??!trying not to laugh and at the same time just realized what happened…i laughed my head off anyway…why not? right!??!…just imagine, david is 6′2 and for him to fall on the floor is quite a funny sight with his legs crammed into the tiny space that he fell into…i helped him up and then we started to get our lunch…

what astounds me is that, how my long and precise intructions got translated into eight words…we must be talking in different languages, i swear!

don’t you just hate it when you are at odds with a situation…

so many things to decide on, there’s always conflict within…

should we change jobs, should we move on, should we do something different…

i guess in the end it all comes down to choice…

let’s all move forward and look into the future, may it be good or bad…depends on that choice…choose well people!

ok…so, what the hell does i sapok you mean? especially the word SAPOK?

well, to tell you the thruth i’m not sure myself but i seem to be using that phrase/word a lot lately…

i think SAPOK means to thump someone on the head or maybe just a word to say i’ll knock some sense into you…anywho…there are TWO people who i want to sapok the most…

these two people needs sapok more than anybody i know…they like each other but there’s something missing?!?!?what the hell! right?!?!…i say, if you really like each other, spend some time to get to know one another and maybe you’ll ignite the flame…

on the same note…i am happy that this boy is teaching a very good friend of mine how to have some patience…it seems that her mum forgot to teach her that, and i couldn’t teach her to have patience cause she usually gives me the brush off every time i bring that up…it takes a very brave person to attempt that monumental event…yes you…you know who you are little miss no patience! and we both know who that brave little boy is…

hope you guys sort things out…

i never lost faith and still have!

chapter 1

in the beginning

there was a little boy who went on holiday to spain. it was spring time, the flowers were blooming and every flying creature were out. unfortunately for this little boy he witnessed something that would haunt him for the rest of his life. and so begins, the moth chronicles…

chapter 2

a walk in the park

it was a nice summer day in england, the sun was out and it was humid. we decided to take a stroll in hyde park with the relies. we passed the beautiful flowers and hedges when all of a sudden, somebody started doing a really funny dance. it was like funk and rnb, david was weaving in and out, like doing a wave. we were like looking at him, amused and embarrassed at the same time. then we found out he was doing that because there were bees and little moths flying around. unfortunately for me this is not a once off incident. it’s just the beginning

chapter 3

the bus incident

i was having a really nice afternoon trying to entertain my mum and her friend elvira, when i got a really distraught phonecall from david. he said he was in north adelaide and asked if i could pick him up. when i asked why, he said that there were moths on the first bus that he was on so, he got off and rode another bus. to his dismay, there were even more moths on that bus so, he decided to get off again and this time he gave me a call asking to be picked up. for me this is silly cause a moth cannot harm you, they just eat your clothes in the closet…i was kinda upset that i was asked to do this task because of something very silly indeed! this was the worst one out of all the bus incidents…

chapter 4

the drive

our dear friend miss b came over one night since she has no means of transport that night we had to take her home. as we were getting ready i informed david that we have to take miss b home cause it was getting late and i’ll have an early start the next day. thinking that he was gonna get ready, miss b and i started going in to the car. we waited a few minutes and it felt like he was not gonna come. so, i started reversing the car out of the drive way and waited a few minutes more. then i got a phonecall saying that he wasn’t gonna come out cause there’s a moth in our bedroom and he wasn’t budging unless he kills the moth. i didn’t have time to wait for that to happen so i just took off…i was really pissed off that he was willing to risk me driving home alone for a little moth! i was really tired that night and tried really hard to stay awake while driving.

…watch out for more installments

today i’ve realized that some people needs to have a good look at their lives and face the facts…they need to leave airy fairy land in order to function normally…

others just need to sort things out, and face the fact that there are some things that they just need to embrace…they need to realize that merging two lives together comes with “packages”

one just needed to snap out of it, stop analyzing people, in particular guys…she needs to stop using what happened in the past as an excuse for the demise new relationships…the past is there to learn from, not meant for using as an excuse…she needs to let go…i think chaos is order for her…

and then there’s me…i need to realize that there’s more to life than just sippy cups, diapers, and motherly duties…i need to chill out, and that’s a very hard thing to do for me…

oh! c’est la vie!